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Looking for what's wrong

There is no doubt that relationships in our day to day lives can challenge us and all too often, it’s as if all we see are the issues and irritations and not the people in front of us. We focus on the small things which we build into 'issues' and end up looking out for more of the same to match what we think is a problem. These small things annoy us, and don’t fit the picture of how we think life 'should be'. With our families, sometimes, it feels like there are sooooooo many things for us to see and feel annoyed about!

For example, Someone in the family doesn't do their chores, their bedrooms are a bomb site of ‘stuff’, they don’t smile when we come home, they don’t do what we consider to be important ... the list could go on.

So, we fall into a pattern of looking for what’s wrong, and fall into seeing each other as a mass of irritation.

Could it be, that it’s the very pictures we have of how our families 'should be' that is the issue? Those pictures of how someone ‘should be’ are expectations that bind another to change who they are to be who you want them to be. How does it feel when someone does that to you? Chances are, the answer is not good and could elicit some polar opposite behaviours to make the point…

If any of this is familiar, then you have to admit, that at this point, we are not appreciating each other, we are imposing on each other.

It could be that we have been raised to think appreciation is a frivolous thing, a bit of nonsense that is going to give someone a big head. We dismiss appreciation as a bit of fluff, but what we are missing if we do that? Are we ready to consider that

Appreciation is like magic, it changes situations in ways that are unexplainable and unimaginable.

It is not about pretending everything is OK when it is not, or that someone being rude to you is OK, but it is stepping back and looking at what you are bringing to the relationship before you project your


Further reading

Photo by Ricardo Esquivel from Pexels


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