How much do we want our children to like us? How much do we want the 'mother's day' and 'father's day' cards that tell us we are the best ever? What about wanting ‘a quiet life’, not wanting to ‘rock the boat? Where does that fit in to our parenting model?
Do we change our parenting because we want to be liked?
If we consider parenting as a role or a job, a part of this job certainly includes setting boundaries and saying ‘no’ reasonably regularly. The job needs us to be able to live through the ‘I hate you’ yelling and the attempt to get us at the jugular with ‘you’re the worst parent in the world.’ It’s a no-brainer, there are times when we are not going to be ‘liked.’
Where does wanting to be ‘liked’ by children get us?
If we have an ‘I want to be liked’ programme running, then we are likely to justify our decisions, to ignore little things and let children's behaviours slide. Perhaps we don’t notice how, bit by bit, we compromise and end up trying to please everyone all the time (it is never contained to just our children) and, we end up wondering why we end up in situations where we are in disrespected...
Trying to be liked leads us to compromise our values, move away from the standards we naturally hold dear, to tolerate and, all too regularly, allow disrespect and abuse. We are being led by the nose, through our own desire to be 'liked' and ruled by inappropriate behaviour. What does that model for our children and what do they then take into school, jobs and all their relationships?
It is an abdication of our responsibility in our role as parents to want to be liked... The consequences can be catastrophic. It breeds behaviour that creates disharmony and chaos in the family home.
There is nothing to like about being liked.
Image by - b2b Parenting Team