What exactly do we mean by discipline?
How many of us, as children, were subject to what our families thought was appropriate discipline that we did not see eye to eye with - whether that was too harsh or too lax? I get the feeling that a sea of hands may be going up right now across the globe...
All too often, discipline can make itself known through rules, regulations and even manipulation, leaving everyone feeling controlled and miserable. It could also be, that as a reaction to making discipline about control, we have swung the pendulum the other way and dropped discipline in family life and therefore have behaviour in society that is more entitled, with a high propensity to blame others.
In looking at how we approach this thorny subject of discipline in family life, it would seem we have been told that discipline is something harsh and about how we ‘deal’ with our children when they misbehave. Rarely is there mention of discipline starting with ourselves, taking self-responsibility and being a positive attribute to self-care.
Yet, if we were to say, ‘let’s make it practical’, and took a moment to look at our own lives, we may find that we naturally have quite a bit of discipline that we would call our routines and rhythms that takes responsibility for the standards in our lives. The chances are, we are already modelling this and quite self-disciplined in some aspects. For example, how we get up in the morning how we brush our teeth and look after our bodies. We demonstrate, through our own behaviour, how easy it is being committed to our own standards that ensure no self-loathing or self-dismissal and critique gets a look in, not even a small shred of it. We don’t entertain the unpleasant bullying, pointing a finger at others for their lack of discipline, or trying to control through discipline, instead, we simply set the model for all to see.
This puts discipline as an act of self-care and a way of living, not a form of control or criticism.
Now that would be a solid foundation for children to see us move through life with. This is a highly practical way of living. In fact, it can’t get more practical!
If we bring some appreciation into the mix, we can see we are actually not bad at discipline and modelling it. That means nothing extra to do, no trying, no overwhelm and therefore no self-bashing for not being a 'good parent' required.
This may be a different take on discipline than we are used to, yet experience shows us that traditional discipline did not work, just as rejecting discipline did not work. Let's make discipline part of our foundation for a great way of living.
No longer will discipline be a loaded word. Let’s move in life in a way that is practical, simple and disciplined and see how much freedom that gives everyone in the home to celebrate each other’s contribution.
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